Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I love you.
Bad choice
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
