How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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