just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
