I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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