i don't like sucking hair
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
