You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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