peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
