You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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