I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
