I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
