What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
