Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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