Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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