It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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