Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
