Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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