If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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