After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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