His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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