the condom got lost in my hair
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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