Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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