i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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