Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
