So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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