My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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