I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
