Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
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