LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
