we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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