Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
