I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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