In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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