dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
