Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
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We got so high we made milksteak
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
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Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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