Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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