somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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