Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize