How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
