This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
