well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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