and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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