I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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