just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
