**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
