you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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