god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
