so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
