The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
