end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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