Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
