my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
