but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
