god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
