you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
