how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
