closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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