That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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