he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
