Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You can't motorboat a personality
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
