just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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