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• (636): View more from Missouri

  Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered

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• (852): View more from

  I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..

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• (941): View more from Florida

  When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?

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• (807): View more from Ontario

  Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.

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• (347): View more from New York

  Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?

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• (845): View more from New York

  Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.

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