i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
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Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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