GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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