I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
