he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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