you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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