how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
