i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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