I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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