He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Life is so much better after having sex.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
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We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
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We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.