I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
