even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
