go do what you do best...puke behind churches
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
