I'm lost and stupid without you.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
