I can tuck mytits in my pants
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
